The Fantastic Pour: What Super Heroes Drink

 

P.J.

By P.J. Butland

In honor of National Embrace Your Geekness Day (July 13), the Cocktail Couple asked me to guest blog on a topic I know a little something about: Comic Book Super Heroes.

They posed a simple question: What would Super Heroes drink?

I’d have to think on that. They came to the right person though. This Fan Boy has 30 Marvel T-shirts; 5 Marvel Super Hero tattoos; and drinks bourbon. I’m so geeky; I named my happy hour to protect my drinking alter-ego. I call it, “In a Meeting with Jim and Tony.”

That’s three fingers of Jim Beam served in an Iron Man, a.k.a. Tony Stark, glass. (I’m a Fan Boy. I don’t have rocks or highball glasses. I have movie-themed Slurpee cups; and pint glasses decorated with every Avenger you can think of).

Jim and Tony

Meetings can be changed to accommodate my liquor cabinet and clean glasses, i.e. “In a Meeting with Johnny and Steve,” – Johnny Walker and Capt. America glass. But … I’ll never schedule one with Jack and Peter.

So… to answer their question, I channeled my inner-(insert any famous dead author here), and poured a drink. Oops! I mean, “I scheduled another meeting with Jim and Tony to discuss The Cocktail Couple’s question.” I took notes.

Here they are:

Spider-Man – He’s a teenager. So he’d have to wait outside the local convenience store and find someone who would buy for him. Peter is most likely to end up with a six of Natural Light or a bottle of Boonesfarm Tickled Pink. Or he could sneak a sip of Aunt May’s sherry or peppermint schnapps.

Thor – White lightning? Nah, he’s a Viking demi-god. He’d hammer back mead. Lots and lots of mead.

Captain America – This All-American hero doesn’t drink. But if he did, he’d drink beer. Budweiser. Or maybe Pabst Blue Ribbon, so the cans matched his costume.

Human Torch – Fireball? No. Too easy. The Fantastic Four’s resident hot head, Johnny Storm, needs a drink appropriate for his name and helps him let off some steam. A Hurricane. Don’t drink too many though, or you’ll end up like its weather namesake – wiped out and all over the evening news.

Iron Man – Arrogant Bastard Ale. Maybe. But as a hero of the Battle of New York, I see Tony sipping a Reservoir Rye Manhattan, with fresh cherries for garnish, between bites of shawarma. (If the epic battle had taken place in Pittsburgh, there’s no doubt in my mind that Tony would have had an Iron City Beer between bites of a Primanti’s.)

Hulk – What do you serve a 9-foot, 2,000lb green rage monster? Anything he wants. But may I suggest some sleepy time tea spiked with Honey Jack Daniel’s to calm him down.

Black Widow – The Russian-born spy Natasha Romanova? Simple; a Stoli stinger martini.

Dr. Strange – Magic Hat #9. Spell binding.

Iron Fist – Marvel’s ode to early 70’s Kung-Fu movies, Danny Rand, would love a Grasshopper. It’s green like his outfit and packs a mystical punch. (And that whole David Carradine thing…)

Batman – I’m sure Batman equips his utility-belt with a Bat-flask full of Bulleit 10-Yr. Bourbon, that he drinks straight. No bat-back for this vigilante.

The Joker – Easy. Laughing Clown Malt Liquor.

Superman – I hear Clark Kent’s on-the-wagon, so I’d give him a full bottle of Midori. He wouldn’t touch it, because it looks like Kryptonite.

Aquaman – Kracken Black Spiced Rum. Duh. That way he could control his hangovers.

Wonder Woman – Her Amazonian roots would suggest Jungle Juice. But I’m pouring her Goldschläger; so she could make me some of those cool, spirited bracelets.

Flash – A rum runner? No. Vodka and Red Bull. It gives him wings. On his mask.

Green LanternIn brightest day, and darkest night,
                                              No fried food has escaped your bite.
                                      And now, damn, is that outfit tight
                                           Let me suggest you, an Amstel Light!!!

Solomon Grundy – A zombie; made with Voo Doo Spiced Rum; and a six of Dead Guy Ale. He’s big (and not living), so he can handle it.

Damn. My Iron Man glass is empty. Meeting adjourned.

I left a lot of our favorites off this list. I invite you to share what you think your favorite hero drinks.

3 Comments

  • Fontina Turner August 30, 2014 at 3:41 pm

    These are great, PJ, I love them!!

    I’ve played with some super hero cocktails before!. I made a THOR ON THE FLOOR and a JEAN GREY GOOSE MARTINI.

    THOR ON THE FLOOR
    12 oz. Blonde ale
    1 1/2 oz. whiskey
    1 oz. lemon juice
    orange bitters, to your liking

    Gently stir ingredients together. Serve in a god goblet. (I imagine it’s like a pimp cup. I don’t know, I made it up.)

    JEAN GREY GOOSE MARTINI
    1-1/2 oz Grey Goose vodka
    1-1/2 oz Goldschlager
    3/4 oz vermouth
    2-3 dashes orange bitters
    ice
    olive and an orange peel for garnish
    Pour ingredients over ice.

    Shake until cold. Strain into a martini glass. Garnish. Get your Phoenix on.

    Reply
    • Kim & Robert August 30, 2014 at 7:51 pm

      Those sound equally fantastic! Thanks!

      Reply
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